Mormon pick-up lines

Recently, while attending my Institutes after party, I was observing the people around me as they awkwardly met up with other people trying to do what all good single Mormons try to do that is; get married. When I had finished my plate full of fruit and sucked down the last of my cup full of water, I started walking toward the door and as I often do listened in on another groups conversation. As I was walking by a tall and kind of geeky looking fellow asked of a couple of girls, "so are you into 'Star Wars' at all?" Besides screaming "I AM A HUGE NERD" there was nothing worse that he could have said to these girls, and this is coming from a rather big Star Wars fan. No matter what he followed this comment with he had lost these girls. He had lost my attention and I was not even in the group. Next thing I knew Triumph the Comic Insult Dog quotes started running through my head and I nearly asked him if this was the first time he talked to a girl that didn't require his credit card number first. Of course I laughed nearly all the way home, and have been thinking of my own Mormon pick-up lines. So far I have only come up with one and it is "So have any other creepy guys hit on you this evening or am I the first one..." It's a work in progress, I know.

Devil May Care

I recently finished Ian Fleming's first book, Casino Royale, and if I have ever had a guilty pleasure this falls into that category. You could imagine my surprise/happiness when checking my yahoo mail I saw a headline for the new Bond book coming out and a link to read the entire first chapter, which I probably don't even have to tell you that I read and loved. So to all the true Bond fan's I have included the website so you can read it for yourself.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90860831

Shout out to hardest rocker in Rexburg

During the frigid winter months of living in Rexburg Idaho, there is little reason to go outside the least of which is class. Occasionally when I find myself braving the ice, snow and bitter wind I see the person who I affectionately refer to as the hardest rocker in Rexburg. Usually I hear him coming before I actually see him and I turn and see the off white Mitsubishi Galant driving over ice covered roads and hear the sweet sounds of Metallica's S&M album. Then this man goes past with both front windows down and usually has his arm out the window, and then the music completely engulfs me. I smile as I realize that this man has his priorities in order. Man's first priority in life is rocking, and all other things come after. While many others would use the excuse "it's cold" to justify their wussness this man just bucks up and keeps on rockin. Every time I have seen him pass me the same album has been playing. I can't fault him because that album is probably the pinnacle of mans musical, lyrical, and probably grammatical achievement. So to the unknown rocker I say this "For those who rock, we salute you."-AC/DC

Why I hate fire extinguishers

I had the privilege a few weeks ago to help a buddy of mine on a ranch that he is caretaker of. The guy that owns the ranch is some wealthy Arizonian who got rich doing something for cell phones. Among my duties on the ranch was the disposal of some rather large brush piles by lighting them on fire, which usually resulted in a fairly good sized bonfire. Remember I am a hick from a hick town so our size of bonfires are usually different from those of people with a more metropolitan background.
I had lit two fires that day and decided that I could handle lighting a third without to much problem. This pile was closer to a tree than most of my other fires but since we had received rain recently I thought that the tree would be fine, so I doused the pile with my diesel and gasoline mixture tossed in a match and watched the fire start. In about three seconds the flames shot up 15 feet and started licking the bottom branches of the tree. I looked at the flames under the tree and knew that I was in trouble, I could see the headlines "Man starts forest fire after accidentally lighting tree on fire." Fortunately for myself I had a fire extinguisher in my car and when the bottom branches of the tree went up in a puff of smoke I decided it was time to use it. I grabbed the extinguisher, pulled the pin, took careful aim at the burning branches and clamped down on the trigger. To my horror a puff of white powder shot out the end of the hose and landed about 3 inches from my feet. I pulled the trigger again, shook it, turned it upside down and still nothing worked. I ran swearing back to my car and grabbed a more reliable tool, the shovel.
I looked at the scene of carnage that I had created, a burning brush pile next to a burning tree, surrounded by a slow moving ring of fire supported by the dry grass and needles that kept moving further and further from the epicenter of the fire. Fortunately the tree was in meadow by itself and there was small chance of the fire jumping to other trees. I grabbed the shovel and started pounding out the flames and throwing dirt on them where possible. Let me tell you it is an interesting feeling looking your impending doom in the eye and then beating it to death with a shovel.
Eventually the fire in the tree went out leaving only a few blackened branches and a ring of ash surrounding the brush pile and tree. I stood leaning on my shovel with sweat pouring down my face and body thinking only two things; 1, how much I hate fire extinguishers and 2, that Smokey the Bear better keep his damn mouth shut.